Serendipity
by PagetFan
Summary: after a very bad day, sara seeks comfort in the arms of a past lover. but what happens when she's called to this lover's house only hours after she left? please note that this story contains partnerships that some may find offensive.
1. Chapter 1

'Serendipity'

Music blared from speakers along the wall opposite the door. One would think upon hearing this from outside, that the sight inside would be chaos. Sara new better. She was not at all surprised to see Kelly sitting serenely in a lotus pose, flowers and candles surrounding her. Sara stood there for a moment after softly shutting the door behind her. Taking in everything that was Kelly Winters. The soft curve from side to hip, delicate swell of cleavage over the soft blue sports bra she wore, they way her cropped brown hair framed her slender face so perfectly when left flat. Sarah would never mention it to Kelly, but she thought she looked much better like this, than with her hair sticking out in all directions like she usually had.

"Are you going to come in, or just stand there and admire the view?" Sara tried to hide her jump; she should have expected that Kelly would notice her presence right off.

"I quite like the view as a matter of fact" Sara said, a flirtatious grin coming over her sad features.

"Bad day" not a question, that was the only reason why Sara ever showed up. Not that Kelly at all mined being a booty call. As she said this, Kelly finally opened her eyes and turned the big green orbs on Sara, watching as a tear silently made its journey from Sara's eye. The force of Sara turning her head, trying to blink the flood that was trying to follow, changed the tear's path. Kelly pushed herself up onto her knees and leaned forward, crawling over to Sara. For a moment, she only sat at her feet, looking up at her with admiration. Then Sara lowered herself to a squat and reached out to caress Kelly's cheek. Kelly eyed the tear, now resting in the slight cleft on Sara's top lip, sparkling as her lower lip quivered. That was all it took. In a moment Kelly's lips were on Sara's, licking the tear away, her hands doing their best to distract Sara from her gloomy thoughts.

6 hours later.

At the sound of her cell phone vibrating against the wood of her nightstand Sara groaned loudly. This seamed to happen quite often, she would finally fall asleep after hours of tossing and there he was, Grissom calling, like clockwork. She'd stumbled in the door only hours before. She never stayed the night at Kelly's. Maybe one day, she would to surprise her. To let her know that she was ready for more than just sex, ready for a relationship.

"What?" Sara knew she shouldn't answer the phone like that, one day it wouldn't be Grissom, one day it might actually be someone who had feelings. Those thoughts where unfair to Grissom. She could not allow her hurt over his rejection to cloud her professionalism. So what if he was the only man she'd ever shown interest in, so what if the surprise of being attracted to a man had caused her to think her feelings were more than they were. That was her problem, not Grissom's.

"Hey Sara, we've got a DB a few blocks from your place, everyone else is on their way, but I was wondering if you could zip over and help me with the preliminary." Sara sighed. If she said no the trail would get cold. And with Catherine's scare with a returning suspect still fresh in their minds, Grissom wasn't about to enter alone.

"Yeah" Sara said, pulling herself into a sitting position. "Give me the address, I'll be their in a few" she was just doing up the fly to her jeans when she stopped short, almost dropping the phone in the process.

"What was that?" she whispered hoarsely.

"I said 1385 windblow ave." Grissom repeated. "If you hang a right straight ou-"

"I know where it is, I'll be right there" Sara snapped. She was out of the house faster than she ever had been before, glad that she had showered before crawling into bed. Not bothering with her car she sprinted down the street, kit in hand.

As she came around the corner and up to the house, her heart seamed to stop, she slowed and walked up the steps, half heartedly smiling at Grissom who was looking at her, eye brow cocked in usual Grissom fashion, from the top step.

"That was fast, why did you run?" Grissom asked.

"To much energy" Sara lied "I have to cut back on the coffee." She squinted up at him. She knew he knew she was lying, just minutes ago she had sounded groggy and tired. But she knew he knew he would get nothing more from her now. Taking a breath, Sara followed Grissom under the yellow tape blocking the door. It hung open, top hinges had given out, and the bottom one didn't look as though it was going to last much longer.

"Forced entry" Sara commented, trying to get her breathing in check. For now she could blame it on the run, but she was stern with herself in her head to get it together.

"Yeah, and from the looks of the place, our vic wasn't too keen on letting our perp in without a fight." Sara only nodded; books from the shelves lay all over, as though they'd been thrown as weapons. Glass was scattered, remnants of the coffee table. But how was Sara to tell Grissom that she knew the toppled plant, spilled wax from the candles, and scratch marks on the wall had nothing to do with their crime.

"Vic's this way" Grissom motioned to the other room. Sarah followed, but stopped at the door.

"Foot prints" she pointed to the scarlet marks on the white carpet. "Small ones, a woman" Grissom nodded.

"The vic also points to our perp being a woman, scratches on her back and face, and all the stab wounds here directed at the heart, the vic has also been posed. A murder of passion . . . the estrogen kind of passion." Sara looked down at the carpet, and entered the room. Taking a deep breath and holding it she looked up.

She collapsed against the wall beside the door.

"O God" she sobbed. "No no, this can't be happening" There she was, Kelly, stretched out on the bed, her arms spread out on either side of her. Chest open to the world. With horror Sara noticed what lay in her left had.

"Is that?" she gasped, "that's her own. . ."

"Heart, yes" Grissom finished. "You know this woman?" Sara nodded. "Do you know what this means?" Grissom pointed to the wall at the head of the bed where Kelly lay. There is Kelly's blood was the word 'serendipity' in large letters.

Sara let out a strangled cry.


	2. Chapter 2

thatnk you so much for the reviews!

one thing that occured to me is that i neglected to include a disclaimer on the first chapter. . . so yeah, i don't own the CSI characters, but kelly is all mine, and i hope one day i meet a woman like her.

By the time the rest of the crew got to the scene, Grissom had called an ambulance to treat Sara, who seamed to be going into shock.

"You have to tell me Sara" Grissom was saying. "Tell me what serendipity means." Sarah was quivering. Starring with glassy eyes out into the distance. Nick, Warrick, Catherine, and Greg gathered, kits in hand trying not to stare. Sara was known for being a rock in the most horrific of circumstances, and seeing her sitting on the front lawn of a seemingly random house looking so broken and fragile was putting everyone a bit on edge. "It seams Sara knows our vic" Grissom said, looking up. "And if her reaction is any indication, they were close, so as far as I am concerned, we don't have any other cases tonight. " the crew nodded. "Warrick and Catherine, you have the rest of the house, Greg, you've got the perimeter, and nick, your with me in the Vic's bedroom, get a head start while I stay with Sara, the ambulance I called should be here any moment." With that, Grissom went back to prying information out of Sara.

Nick hesitated at the door to the Vic's bedroom. Photographing the footprints he took a deep breath. Anything that could flip Sara out was worth bracing yourself for.

He wasn't far from the truth, the scene was grisly. He took care to mark and photograph everything; It had been a very long time since he'd been this focused at a scene.

He would leave the body for Dr.Robins he decided once he had finished bagging and photographing the obvious evidence.

Moving over to the dresser, he reached out to pick up a picture frame, there were many in the room, most of witch had been turned face down. Looking down at the picture he'd uncovered, he was surprised to see a smiling Sara cuddled up to the vic. The picture looked to be taken at a nightclub, that was the only place he knew of where Sara would where such a revealing shirt. The next photo he picked up was one of only Sara, walking with a smile, shopping bags slung over her arm. She was dressed too warmly for Vegas, and judging from the length of Sara's hair, it must have been taken in Boston. She had mentioned getting it cut short right before her move.

The next two were much like the first, Sara and the vic posing together, in one they cuddled a puppy, another they were in the center of a large group of other women.

But the last one made him gasp. Both women wore sundresses, and were barefoot, holding their sandals in their hands. The vic was leaning towards Sara, who had her hand gripping the Vic's hip. Their lips were together in a furious lock that made Nick blush.

Nick turned as he heard someone enter the room. It was Grissom.

"I figured out how Sara knows our vic," he said, holding up the picture so that Grissom could see. If Grissom was surprised, he didn't show it. He silently moved around the room, righting pictures that had been placed face down. All of them were of Sara, some on her own, some with the vic.

"It looks like someone was jealous" he commented.

"Well, I can't say I am not" nick quipped, earning him a glare from Grissom.

"I am sure this is the last way she wanted to come out to us Nick, so you will remain nothing but supportive of Sara."

"I know that," said nick quietly, looking hurt.

"Holy shit!" hearing the curse from Warrick nick and Grissom moved out of the room to see what they had found.

"What have you got?"

"It seamed that our vic had an unwanted visitor long before our perp broke in.," he said holding up a small video camera and transmitter.

"I've got another, and a microphone" called Catherine from across the room. Grissom cocked an eyebrow and looked as though he was going to comment, but was interrupted by the arrival of Dr. robins.

"From what I can see on first inspection, she's been dead little over two hours. The scratches on her face are post mortem, witch rules out torture, the ones on the back however were pre, by a lot, I'd say 6-10 hours before death, they look like they were done in the throws of passion, I wouldn't be surprised if they had nothing to do with the murder." The middle aged man made a dramatic show of getting up and grinned "I am afraid age is catching up with me" when Grissom didn't react to the joke, his expression turned serious again. "That's all I can tell you now, besides I am pretty sure the chest wound is what killed her, but you never know what will come up in the autopsy."

"Thanks" Grissom said, laying a hand on the doctor's arm as he left, and watched as two young men cam in and took the body out. He moved back out into the living room after them.

"Is it true what nick says." Asked Catherine quietly "that this is Sara's lover?"

"It looks that way."

"Then you know we have to question her, to sound sara-ish, 75 of all passionate crimes like this are committed by a lover or spouse." Grissom glared

"I know, but lets follow the evidence before we do that, she's pretty shaken. Greg, there was a box of notebooks under the bed, I would like you to retrieve them, they look to be a journal. If the rest of you are done, we should get back to the lab. Nick and I will take the journals, Cath, you work on finding where those cameras are transmitting to, and Greg and Warrick, you will process what we've bagged and work out a play by play of what exactly happened here."

With that they set off for the lab.

Keep the reviews coming and i will keep the story going! Chapter three should be up within the next couple of days. Thanx again for my two reviews, i like what you had to say!


	3. Chapter 3

this entry isn't really a chapter, by wich i mean that it does nothing to further the story i have going. But i find myself head over heals in love with the character i have created. so i thought that i would write out some journal entries found under kelly's bed by grissom. . . these journals will come into the story, but not in their full splender wich i feel inclined to share with all of you.

but first i would like to write a little disclaimer to the effect that I can't spell, and the computer i am currentloy working on is without a spell checking program. so bare with me. . . i read somewhere that 40 of great writers cannot spell. . . so maybe it's a good sign.

_even when she sleeps it seams that her mind soesn't quite working. Her face takes on a look of sorrow, her lips turned delicatley downwords, her eligant eye brows pulled together with worrie. _

_I teasingly told her once that if she didn't lighten up she would have wrinkles by the time she was fourty. _

_it's times like these, watching the flush fade from her naked body that i think about the day we met. I had no idea that the woman looking distressed on the bus stop bench beside me would be the woman to change my life forever. I asked politly what was bothering her. and felt my heart flutter when she smiled at my coment. _

_"there is nothing more poeticly rewarding than taking comfort in the meeting of a stranger" i had said. with her witty remark, i knew that i would do anything for her. _

_"i've been less than rewarded in every other way, so perhaps i shoudl take my chances with poetic" _

_before we knew it we had missed three buses during our intense conversation. . . she never did tell me what was bothering her that day, we had ended up talking about beauty. for a scientist, she knows alot about beaty. _

_we went dancing that very night, and i was quite suprised when she had no issue with me taking a picture to remember the day. if i look to my left the picture still sits, and from this perspective it looks to be cradles in the curve of her hip. _

_Every time i see her, i discover something new. my hands have maped her body hundreds of times, and yet it will never be completley familiar. perhaps that is what i love about her. but the things that are familiar i charish. the soft wait of her breats in my hand, the way she giggles every time i kiss her just below the belly button. the way her legs stretch out around me just before she calls my name in release. _

_her sense of humour in bed should not have suprised me. in the most intamate and intense of times she will pull a face, or hum a silly song between my legs. that would send me moaning and laughing all at the same time. _

_we lived together in boston for months., it even got serious enough for us to by a puppy. and even with her their all the time. there was never manotony. she's suprising, inspiring. . . that's when i started calling her serendipity. _

_serendipity was sara's fist lover, and i knew that i would never take it's place. . . i didn't want to, sara's love for life was one of her best quality's, and i knew that her divorce from serendipity would allow for the deep sadness behind her eyes to come forward. _

_but as all good things it had to come to an end. sara started working full time, and i went back to school at my publisher's urging. we never seamed to see eachother. and sara's sadness started to come through. i once found, by accident, an e-mail to a mutual friend in wich she talked about her feelings of hopelessness. it seamed that i had locked serendipity in a cage. . . something i had tried very much not to do. that nigh, while se was at work, i left. _

_i heard of her from friends. . . she had cut her hair, given the dog to her brother. . . and a few months later, the news that broke my heart came, she had moved to Vegas. _

_I lived here a year befor i got the courage to drop by. having got her adress from a friend i was quite suprised to see that she lived only blocks away. but not suprised, my love for her had drawn me as close to her as i could get at that time. _

_i was only minutley hurt that she did not imediatly take me back, did not ask for me to move in, to start where we left off. . . all she wanted was my body. _

_"Kelly, love, please understand" she said to me one night, throat parched. "i will move this forward until i have the time and energy for it that you deserve" i nodded silently, and pulled her close to me._

_"what little i have is enough for me" _

there you have kelly's side of the story, and a little history, i guess. once again, this doesn't really fall into the narrative anywhere. it's just a story.

thank you again for the reviews and encouragment and such, it's really apreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

Sara sat petrified in the cold brick holding room of the LVPD. After a short trip to the hospital for shock treatment, she had been released to Brass. And while Brass had no intention of treating her like a suspect, there simply wasn't room to put her where she could be alone aside from the interrogation room.

Grissom had been sitting there watching her for a few minutes now. Going through everything they had. He was on his way to review the journals they had pulled from the Vic's house. Now identified as Kelly winters.

They knew that Sara and Kelly were lovers. The photographs in Kelly's bedroom, and the finding of a note, written by Sara on the kitchen table.

_Kell, _

_I don't know why I bother apologizing when I don't stay, I never stay, and I am sorry. It's not because I don't love you, I do, you know that. And one day, I may even be able to act like it. _

_Love; _

_Sara_

Grissom was fairly certain that the letter was from yesterday. There was no reason for Kelly to leave the note where she herself would find it. Not to mention the vaginal fluid on the sheets. A match to Sara. Witch meant that Sara had been at the scene hours before the murder. In other words, it wasn't looking good for Sara.

Most of the prints they had lifted belonged to either Kelly or Sarah, but there was one palm print that was lifted off the broken door that was yet to be identified. And the scratches on Kelly's face were not consistent with the scratches on her back, with were consistent with the width of Sara's hand. He wasn't worried about the scratches on the back, between Dr. Robins and the vaginal fluid on the bed; there was a reasonable explanation for them.

One that still shocked him when he stopped to think about it. He found himself momentarily distracted trying to answer the questions that Sara's crush on him brought up. Perhaps she was bisexual, or perhaps she had chosen him because he was 'emotionally unreachable' and a good cover for any questions that may rise of her sex life.

He still had questions about 'serendipity'. He knew that Sara knew what it meant, her reaction to it said as much. It was after he asked about the word that she had gone into shock. He watched with interest as Sara got out of the chair on the other side of the plexi – glass window. She seamed confused for a moment, and then kicked the chair across the room with a sob.

"Sara" he said softly, walking into the room. She looked up, but didn't make eye contact. "Hey, I just wanted you to know that I have the whole team working on this." He said it to comfort, but her face crumpled.

"Witch means they all know," she whispered angrily.

"Sara, I know this isn't how you wanted to come out, and I won't lie to you by saying that no one is surprised. In fact, they're all pretty shocked. But no one thinks any different of you, we're your friends, this little bit of information doesn't change that." There was a moment of silence, and for a moment, Grissom thought that he was in the clear.

"I suppose you also know that I was there six hours before you called me."

"Yes"

"And I suppose that I am now a suspect" Grissom nodded.

"Not a very serious one, only because it's procedure. If you were going to cry crocodile tears, you would have done it in a more Sara-like fashion, otherwise we would think you were laying it on thick.'

'What if I was laying it on thick" Grissom chuckled. And Sara gave a week smile.

"Somehow I doubt it. but I've got to get back to the lab, I'll tell you when we find anything."

"How's the epic?" Grissom asked, walking into the layout room where Nick was settling into the journals of Kelly winters.

"Pretty good actually, a lot of poetry, beginnings of stories, some social essays. And one thing's for certain, this woman was head over heals for Sara sidle."

"Oh?" Grissom hummed. Nick glared at him. Nick couldn't blame the woman; there was a lot to love about Sara sidle.

"Yeah, I am reading the oldest book I could find, from about six years ago. Lucky for us, she dates all her work. So far from what I could gather, she worked at an arts newspaper in Boston. Sara and Kelly started living together about a year before Sara came here. It was pretty hot" nick blushed. "That came out wrong, I mean, Sara seamed to be Kelly's muse, listen:

When you come to me

Come to me with cake

In your pocket

Come to me nicely

with that soft kinda cake

that's mostly icing

come to me ready and rude

bring me angel food

angel food"

"How do you know it's about Sara?" Grissom asked. Nick just gave him a look and sighed.

"Everyone knows that angel food is Sara's favorite cake, this just explains why she blushed so hard when Greg bought her a little piece for her birthday and tried to feed it to her." Grissom raised an eyebrow. It was no secret that he was mostly oblivious to the social map of the lab, but nick was right in implying that he should at least remember jokes played at parties that the whole lab is invited to.

"Ok, well, as much as I love that your being thorough, I would like you to work backwards from the most recent, we need to know if she was aware of being watched, and we need to know about everyone important in her life.

"Yeah" sighed nick. "I am on it."

"I am going to get some coffee and then I'll join you" Grissom started to walk out the door and then stopped. "Ya know," he said, not turning back. "Sara just didn't strike me as the type to fall in love with an artsy type"


	5. Chapter 5

"What have you got for me?" Catheerine breezed into the AV room where Archie and Warrick sat, starring wide eyed at the video equitment they had retrieved from Kelly Winter's home.

"Not too much yety" admitted Archie, somewhat red-faced. Warrick grinned. He liked the way Catherine made the lab rats feel nervous, warrick could guarantee that his samples be finished on time if he told them he was working with catherine. "I think I can get whatever video it's been taking for the last 25 hours or so, but I am not sure that I could find the computer that it's transmitting too"

"Well it's better than nothing," Catherine looked up at warrick. "consitering the nature of sara's involvment with the case, I think that only senior CSI's should be reviewing this tape." Warrick nodded.

"Greg's well on his way with the evidence on his own, I can spare a few minutes"

"OK, sorry archie, but the last thing I want is for sara's personal life to become lab gossip" archie gave a sad nod. Catherine didn't really think he needed to be told, but she had to make sure. "so just get the record, hook us up, and go have a break."

This was weird, warrick thought, like watching a security tape, only of one of your best friend's secret life. The first few hours of the tape were quite boring, mostly just Kelly sleeping. But as the morning broke, they watched her get up, make coffee and sit on the floor to meditate.

"There's sara" Catherine said, freezing the image. Carefully, she started playing in real time, and reached over to turn on the sound.

"Cath" warrick warned. "we have no right to listen in on this conversation."

"sure we do rick" catherine snapped. And then sighed with regret. "your right, but I don't want to believe that sara did this any more than you do, so we're going to listen and watch carefully to everything we can for some sort of evidence to the contraty."

They watched in silence as sara entered. Showed some surprise at her tears and her reaching out for help. And watched, eyebrows raised as the intense liplock slowly progressed, the two women crawling across the floor in an effort to get to the bedroom.

Out fo curstesy warrick and Catherine mostly fast fowrwarded through the next hour.

Sara and Kelly lay on the living room floor, chests heaving as they look up at the ceiling. And, little do they know, at the camera hidden in the light fixture.

_"ya know" said sara with a smile "sometimes I wonder what it would really be like to come out at work. Ya, know, if it would be as bad as others have warned."_

_"you work for the LVPD, sara, the only thing coming out will get you in that testosterone heap is sexual harrasment." Sara sighed. _

_"I know, but, if I did a small coming out, like, only to my friends, so they can stop betting on if I am ever going to say yes to one of greg's advances. Or if Iam ever going to acknowlage that Nick has feelings for me."_

_"well, I could call and tell someone that you just acknowlaged nick's feelings, and that I will personaly make sure that you will never say yes to anything this greg guy has in mind." Sara grinned. And then looked sad. "hey, serendipity, baby, I didn't mean to belittle your feelings like that. I know that coming to a place where you can openly tell all your friends is important to you. But for now, I wish you could just be happy with me."_

_"You know I can't" sara said "I can't be happy with you while treating you like some horrible seceret half the time"_

_"I am already your horrible seceret" there was a moment of silence where sara seamed to be seriously thinking about what kelly had said. _

_"I like it when you call me serendipity" sara grinned. "even though I've yet to know why you do"_

_"one day, I'll let you know, but for now, know that it's cause I love you."_

Catherine looked stunned. And warrick cleared his throat loudly.

"sara is serendipity" Catherine exclaimed quietly.

"no wonder she went into shock" Warrick agreed, "whoever did this was out to get Sara, it had little to do with Kelly" Catherine looked momentarily horrified.

"rick, what if, oh god, what if kelly's stocker isn't really kelly's stocker" warricks eyes grew wide as he realised what Catherine was saying.

"I'll call griss" warrick said, standing abruptly and grabbing his coat "we'll talk to sara, while you finish up this tape."

"Sara." Sara turned her head and looked to see warrick and grissom walk into the room. She had to admit that she was glad to see warrick there, smiling at her, glad to see that there was still respect and love in his smile.

"yeah" said sara. Turning to grissom, who had adressed her. Grissom smiled

"how are you feeling?" sara gave him a glare "right" grissom added "not the time to ask. We wanted to talk to you about what we found." At sara's nod it was warrick who continued.

"sara, we found cameras and microphones all over Kelly's house." Sara's face paled at the ramifications. "we've been reviewing the footage from the last 24 hours, wich is all we can get, but we reason to believe that whoever was watching kelly, is watching you too." Sarah gave warrick a spaced out look.

"serendipity" sara wispered. "it was a threat?" warrick nodded and looked over at grissom.

"why serendipity" grissom asked "you aren't exactly the type of person who would live their lfe by serendipity." Tears rolled down sars's cheeks.

"I don't know why, she said she wrote a poem about me called serendipity, but insisted that I couldn't read it until she was ready to show it to me."

"I knew that" said warrick "cath and I were reviewing the camera footage, and I want you to know, that while this place tends to be a 'testosterone heep' at the best of times, and a bit of a frat house in the worst, I wouldnever let anyone disrespect you, you are my friend, and I want you to know that you can trust me." Sara blushed.

"I really wish you hadn't listened to that."

"I am sorry, but we needed. . . "

"I know, but I still wish." Sara gave him the best reasuring smile she could muster and then looked at grissom "I was told that you brought her journals to the lab" Grissom gave her a grissom look, the one that said 'why don't I like where this is going'. "I was wondering if I could go through them. I've known kelly for years, and I am quite sure that a lot of what she wrote was very personal. She was an artist, she wouldn't be happy about just anyone going through them." Grissom gave a sigh,

"look, nick is already going through them, and he's not just anybody, I can't let you go through them alone, but I can let you sit in with nick."


	6. Chapter 6

Greg sat in the lay out room, feet on the table with a cup of coffee in hand. He had decided that the normal sludge would do for now, and a nice rich cup of blue Hawaiian would be his prize when he finished.

A large tack board loomed in front of him, littered with photos and coloured paper.

Sara could do this in her head, something that always impressed him, but he needed a visual.

Grissom had finally gotten a statement from Sara; he had traded her for letting her sit in on the journals with nick.

He ran a hand over his face and took a second scan of the statement in front of him, the upturned plant and the spilled candle wax and the scratch marks were all her doing.

He reached over and pulled their photos from the board.

The point of entry was the front door, and judging from the state of the chain lock, Kelly had opened the door with the chain still intact, as though she had a reason to believe that the person calling had less than good intentions.

Gregg scanned the victim's history sheet.

Or it was just a habit from living in New York. The perp let herself in, forcibly, and a struggle ensued.

Greg looked up and smiled at a memory, Sara, smiling widely with excitement.

"A struggle is never in the plan. and when a criminal deviates from the plan mistakes are made. Chances are they left some of themselves during the struggle"

Greg grinned and lept off his chair. If he started brewing the blue Hawaiian now, it would be done by the time he lifted samples off the books and glass coffee table.

Warrick didn't like this feeling. It was one he never wanted to know, treating a close friends place like a crime scene isn't something they prepare you for in training. He wasn't sure why. It seamed like a good thing to cover.

"Where do you want to start?" Catherine asked, her face solemn, she was having trouble with this to.

"Wherever, I'll let you do the bedroom and bathroom, it's not like I've never processed a woman's belongings before, but, I happen to know this woman" Catherine smile.

"And you'd rather not know about it. I understand. But I say, we save ourselves the trouble if we can and look in the most obvious places first. At Kelly's we found them in the light fixtures, bookshelf and mirrors. I say we check those first."

Several hours later Warrick sat stunned in the locker room, it was worse that they thought the perp had doubled the cameras in Sara's apartment, and had even went so far as to install cameras and tracking equipment in Sara's car.

How on earth had he or she done this without Sara's knowledge. Sara was nothing if not observant, her mind could pick something out of place from a mile away, surely she would have noticed that someone was in her home?

Warrick looked up as Archie came into the room huffing and out of breath.

"I found it" he said, "the location the cameras were transmitting too, it's all feeding back to the Tangiers. I am guessing that someone has a room set up there."

That was all it took for warrick to be off at a running pace.

Nick watched tiredly as warrick ran down the hall. Sara hadn't noticed, witch was a good thing, he didn't particularly want to hold her back from following, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that in her position he would want to go too.

Instead, Sara seamed consumed with what she was reading. She hadn't said much since she got down here, only the customary pleasantries before delving into her lover's journals. There was no doubt in Nick's mind that the two were very much in love. And he felt himself becoming jealous of the depth in witch Kelly seamed to know Sara. It was obvious that Sara had opened up to Kelly, at one point or another, and Nick wished there was some way to tell Sara that she could trust him just as much.

But now wasn't the time.

"I barely remember this day" Nick was quite startled that Sara had spoken; he had assumed the whole day would pass in silence. "But it seams she held it in high regard." She smiled softly and shoved a loose bit of paper toward nick.

_imperfectly_

_i'm okay_

_if you get me at a good angle_

_and you're okay_

_in the right sort of light_

_and we don't look_

_like pages from a magazine_

_but that's all right_

_that's all right_

_i crashed your pickup truck_

_and then i had to drive it back home_

_i was crying_

_i was so scared_

_of what you would do_

_of what you would say_

_but you just started laughing_

_so i started laughing along_

_saying, it looks a little rough_

_but it runs okay_

_it looks a little rough_

_but it runs good anyway_

_we get a little further from perfection_

_each year on the road_

_i guess that's what they call character_

_i guess that's just the way it goes_

_better to be dusty than polished_

_like some store window mannequin_

_why don't you touch me where i'm rusty_

_let me stain your hands_

_when you're pretty as a picture_

_they pound down your door_

_but i've been offered love_

_in two dimensions before_

_and i know that it's not all_

_it's made out to be_

_let's show them how it's done_

_let's do it all imperfectly_

"We had both been unemployed and living out of this truck for months, just traveling around and being romantic little gypsies. And she finally told me, that she'd had enough of mosquitoes and cars, and why don't we settle somewhere. And I remember that she thought I was angry to be back, to have settled again, when really it was just what I had wanted for weeks." Sara put her head in her hands and started to shake.

"I am so sorry Sara" Nick said lamely, moving to pull her against his chest. " But warrick and Catherine are on it, and they won't stop until the bring Kelly justice." Sara only laughed weakly.

"Because I brought Eddie so much justice, I am honestly surprised that she wants to help at all."

"Don't say that sar" nick sighed "all you have to do is look Catherine in the eye to know that she's dead serious about this, and that makes her our perps worst nightmare."

Well that's all I got for now, I am really sorry about the lagging lately, I am pretty busy. . . I should probably mention before I get sued that I am shamelessly ripping off the poetry from the great Ani Difranco, I am sure many of you have noticed that already, but here we are.


	7. Chapter 7

i am having a bit of trouble with the next chapter, I know what i want it to look like, and what i want to happen, but i am having trouble getting it down, i get really picky about my own writing.

but i do have another kelly journal entry. . . and just like the other one i am not going to do too much editing, i thought that leaving it un edited was a nice touch for a journal entry. . . anyways, enough babbling, here we go.

_Las Vegas is nice. I never saw las vegas as a place where i would want to be, i've always seen it as a tacky place, where all class is put aside for the sake of having a good dirty time. I most definatly couldn't see why anyone would want to live in such a place. . . but it seams i had fooled myself into thinking that the City and the strip were the same thing. _

_I watch her here beside me, and i smile, i feel slightly creepy watching her like this, but i know that when i wake tomorrow she will be gone, and i'll have to wait patiently until she needs me again. I don't know how she doesit, but she always leaves after i fall asleep, avoiding the awkwardness of goodbyes. _

_perhaps, like me, she doesn't want to say goodbye. _

_she cried as she came today, that's been happening alot more often, and i jokingly told her the second or third time that she shouldn't hurt my feelings so. i shouldn't have, because now she tries to hide it, and I don't want that, i don't ever want her to hide from me. _

_In Vegas._

_i am serendipity's salvation, _

_that wich i once caged, i now set free, _

_about twice a week. _

_with a sexy grin and all my heart._

_I want to write these words across her body, _

_write my love along her arms, _

_like a number, _

_to ensure that she will think of me_

_and smile. . _

_But i know that isn't necissary, after the nasty naughty things i did to her this morning, i know that my naked body and coy grin will be lurking in the back of her mind all night. i hope she hasn't got anything too important to do on shift. _

_I should sleep, she will want to be leaving soon, to catch more sleep before going to work, But i am wide awake, and selfish. her absence taught me to be selfish, and so i take these moments where i can, and scratch them down to relive later. . . like the end of a joint you keep in your pocket to top yourself off when you start to come down. _

_I can still taste her, and i have no doubt that i will spill a terrably poetic tear when i brush my teeth in the morning. but for now, i can roll it along the tongue and savour, and get myself all hot and bothered thinking about the softness of her flesh, her musky sent, the adhorable little noises she makes when i tickle her thighs just before diving into her. _

_now i want to wake her up, i wonder if she would mind. _

_**not at all, the insesant scratching of your pen has already done so, not to mention your wandering fingers. but now that i've commandered your pen, i think i am suddenly facinated with the idea of writing, and there is very little you can do to stop m. . . **_

_**you cry when you brush your teeth in the morning? i must say, i love you that much too, but i am glad that you do brush your teeth, if TV has taught me anthing it's that gingivitis is a pretty freeky guy. **_

_**I am making a motion to withdraw the earlyer statement, there was obviously several ways for you to distract me from this pen, well writing anyways, i was quite intrigued with your use of the pen in your distracting. . . let's just hope that i don't have to do anything that involves rolling up my sleeves at work tonight, because i think the guys will have many questions about exactly who "strolled past every last do not enter and touched me at my epicenter"**_

_**i hope you have that poem stored somewhere, because in an hour or so i will be in a "terrably poetic" fit of sobs while trying to scrub it away. **_

_**For the record, your not the only one who likes to watch as the other sleeps, i don't find it creepy, i love it. and it saddens me to think that i have forced you into a position where it's the only quality time you get to watch me. . . one day. . . no, i am not going to give you the one day speech, my excuses have no place in this book. **_

_**i wish i were as wordy as you are, i wish i could beautifly describe the taste of you, and the way you make me feel, i wish there were some way for me to show you how beutiful you are. . . it's unfair that i am the only one who gets to be told. . . . well i guess i just told you, but, you know what i mean. . . you always know what i mean. **_

_**maybe i could convey some of it by telling you that i most definatly will be thinking of you all night at work. . . Nick seams to think that it's his flirting that makes me all blushy, but really it's just a coincidence that he happens to be flirty when i am in the middle of remembering the way you devour my breasts like a starving woman, or the fire in my body when you give me that sexy grin you mentioned in your poem, because i know that it means your about to touch me in every place but where i want you to. . . your such a tease. . . but when you finaly get there, i am always amazed, it always feels like the first time. **_

_**when you do this it sounds artsy and eligent, when i do it it sounds cheesy. **_

_**it's almost time for me to go, but i'll be back, if nothing else you can always count of the fact that i am going to be back. . . because it takes alot of me to be away from you. . . you set me free, you always have. . . i caged myself. **_

that's all for now, than you to those who continue to read, i'll work out the next chapter as soon as posable. ****


	8. Chapter 8

once again, i ripped off the poetry, it's all Ani's. . . but the "in vega" poem in the last kelly entry was all me. . . anyways, don't mind the 8's, i got sick of my seperation lines not showing up.

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Catherine watched in awkward silence as Sara fiddled, nervously with the napkin in front of her..

After being the one to update Sara on the case and give her the horrifying news of her stalker Catherine felt it only right that she by er lunch.

Looking around the small resturant she was half suprised that it was Sara's kind of place. She's always known about sara's vegitarianism, and and she often wondered if her tie die tee's under blazers were just a fashion statemnet, but no, by the looks of it, she was quite the hippy.

The resturant was tucked in a nice neighbourhood not far from the strip, a street filled with vintage shops, Birkenstock suppliers, street vendurs selling all kinds of organix fruits and vegitables, and a fair many buskers. "heliotrope" the resturant was called, and everything on the menue was vegan and organic. catherine couldn't really complane, she had told the younger woman that she would take her anywhere she wanted.

"how did you know?" Catherine found herself blurting out, but when she realised what she wad said she looked down at her cutlery, blushing. "I am sorry, that was way out of line, forget I.."

"no" Sara said quietly. "It's perfectly normal for you to be curious, Every streight friend I've ever had has asked me the same question."

"and what do you answer?" Sara smiled, she should have known that, even embarassed, Catherine wouldn't let her Evade the question.

"I answer that, the fact that I had to be three sheets to the wind and stoned to boot just to have sex with a man was a pretty good tip off." Catherine let out a husky laugh. She had forgotten, with all the distance between herself and sara, about the Brunette's wit.

"that's a good answer, very Sara-like."

"And what, exactly is a 'Sara-like' answer?"

"Witty, guarded, and designed to take attention away from the real issue" Catherine had said this without hesitation, getting carried away, and too relaxed in the cozy setting of the resturant. but suddenly her cutlery was once again very intersting. " I am sorry again, that time i was definatley out of line."

"only a little bit" Sara smiled. "But you're right, there are a good many things in my past that I would prefer to keep hidden, and figuring out my sexuality is a long painful story of love and redemption that should be pitched to the opera show as soon as posable." Sara sighed. "see there I go, Sarcasm and wit are the walls i hide behind. i know it makes me come off as rude, buit I definatley don't meen it."

"I understand, I too have my fair share of topics I'd rather stay away from."

"But just because i don't want to talk about it, Doesn't mean it's healthy for me to keep it all locked away. I really want to apologize to you Catherine, for any coldness that I've shown you in the past. To tell you the truth you scare me sometimes. You're just such an openly sexual woman. and I've always been kind of jelous of your freedom." Sara gave a nervous little laugh. " not to mention of coarse, that in my experience, Sexual women like you tend to get experimental and end up breaking a few lesbien hearts in the process." Catherine's eyebrows came together to crease the smooth slope of her forehead.

"I suppose I can't deny that that sounds like something I would do. But it's be who should be apologizing. I've been unfair to you, and if you think your jelous of me, well..." Sara looked suprised.

"Why on earth would you be jelous of me?"

"At first, it was because you were a woman in my territory, I guess I felt like I had to show you who was boss. But over time it became something else, it wasn't so much that you were a woman, it was that you were sunch an incredably strong one. I suppose I thought that having you around would was going to give me away, and make everyone realise that I am not wonder woman, and that it's not easy for me to pull this off and then go home and try my best to raise a decent young woman. I mean, when put next to you, how could anyone see me as anything but confused and scared. I will never be as strong and independant as you are, and that scares me." When Catherine looked up to gage Sara's reaction, she saw tears, and Catherine found herself terified by them.

"I am so tired of being strong" Sara said, bearly keeping the hiccups out of her voice. "I don't know how much longer i can keep it up. With Kelly gone, I have no one who will let me come over and just be me, no one who will understand that just being a woman, emotional, vain, and sexual, is just as strong as the stuborn, clever, sarcastic woman I present to the rest of the world." Another silence fell upon them as the waitress came to gove them thier meals. to cover the awkwardness, both stated to eat. Catherine was just about to change the subject, and let Sara off the hook, when she heard her start talking again, her voice stronger, and the tears starting to dry.

"Kelly told me, the first day I met her, that part of being strong, is knowiing when to be weak, and i don't think I quite understood what she ment until just now. so I guess i should thank you, for letting me be weak just then, even if it did ruin all your perseptions of me."

"Any time" Catherine said with a smile, and the two woman started eating again. but this time the silence wasn't awkward, both woman were content to sit in silence, and enjoy the new bond that they had just forged.

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fire door

i opened the fire door

to four lips

none of which were mine

kissing

tightened my belt around my hips

where your hands were missing

and stepped out into the cold

collar high

under the slate gray sky

the air was smoking and the streets were dry

and i wasn't joking when i said

good bye

there were magazine quality men talking on the corner

french, no less much less of them then us

so why do i feel like something's been rearranged?

you know, taken out of context i must seem so strange

killed a cockroach so big

it left a puddle of pus on the wall

when you and i are lying in bed

you don't seem so tall

i'm singing now because my tear ducts are too tired

and my mind is disconnected but my heart is wired

i make such a good statistic

someone should study me now

somebody's got to be interested in how i feel

just 'cause i'm here

and i'm real

oh, how i miss

substituting the conclusion to confrontation with a kiss

and oh, how i miss

walking up to the edge and jumping in

like i could feel the future on your skin

i opened the fire door

to four lips

none of which were mine

kissing

i opened the fire door

It was one of the most put together poems Nick had found in this journal, dated for a month after Sara started her permanent placement at the lab. beside, was some faded and scratched guitar tabs that looked pretty tough. it was news to him that any of this poetry was ment to be made into song. But sara had informed him not long before she went out with Catherine, that Kelly sometimes put her poetry to music and sold the rights to local bands.

this was one of the first in the book, but as he scanned through, he saw that many of the other entries after it followed the same lines.

"Grissom!" Nick called down the hall, as he watched his boss walk by. "I think I've got something. We need to ask Sara for a relationship history, we need to know if she was seing anyone in vegas before Kelly came back into her life." with a silent nodd Grissom picked up his phone. he could have Sara and Catherine back within a half hour.


	9. Chapter 9

sorry this is a short one. . . but i thought something is better than nothing right?

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Sara looked at nick as thow he'd grown another head.

"you think that one of my ex's could have done this?" Nick was simpathetic, he knew the implication was a hard one to take, he knew all too well what it was like to find out that your antagonists was someone you let in the front door.

"it could be a possability, it never really occured to any of us, until one of Kelly's poems suggested that there was someone else."

"Well yeah" Sara sighed. "I mean, I was kind of seeing this woman, Claudia, but it was nothing serious, she was on vacation from Washington D.C, we both new it was just a fling. and then there was Jackie, wich also wasn't serious, we went to dinner once or twice, went dancing, but when Kelly came back, I set her up with an aquaitance of mine." Nick nodded. and looked awkwardly around the interegation room, he was still nervous about talking to Sara in this setting, and more than a little jumpy about asking her such personal questions.

"Ok, well, I don't know if Catherine told you about the hairs we found, I need to know if Claudia, or Jackie were ever in your apartment. more accuratley, in your bedroom." Sara blushed.

"Not Claudia, we stayed. we. she had a fancy suite at the Belagio. But Jackie was over one or twice." Nick was starting to hate this more and more.

"Was she in your bedroom?"

"yes, once, it was the next morning that Kelly turned up on my doorstep, so we never really got past that one night."

"ok, does Jackie have a last name?" Sara glared, that was a line that both had a habbit of using on suspects, and it angered her that he would use it with her. Did Nick really think that she might have done this? Sara clenched her fists until the knuckles turned white ad felt her anger boil up to the surface.

"Don't" she said, through clenched teeth. Nick looked confused. "Don't treat me like any other punk that comes through here." Nick finally caught on, realizing what he had said, but it was too late, and Nick had known Sara long enough to know that all he could do now was ride it out and let her get it out of her system. "If I am a suspect, then I am a suspect, don't play these games with me, don't have Catherine take me out to butter me up and then bring me back here to interogate me. And quit waisting my time, with every fucking minute you waist playing games, Kelly's killer gets further and further away." In her anger, Sara stood up, causing the chair she was sitting in to fly across the room and hit the wall with a satisfying clang. "When I take her body back to her mother in New York," she continued, yelling now. "I want to have an explination. I want to have an air tight case against the monster that did this. I want to be able to tell her what sort of a monster I brought into her child's life!" Sara's mouth kept movig, but her partched throat, and wet huccups stopped any more words from coming. And nick watched in horror as her knees started to wobble. Before he could reach her she had fallen to her knees on the floor. " if I give you her name and number, can I go home?" Nick looked up to the one way mirror on the other side of the room, eyes pleading for someone else to come in and explain that with a stalker on the loose, she couldn't go anywhere without a uniform.

"we've pulled all the bugs from your apartment, so if you take someone with you, you can go home." Nick's head snapped to the door where Catherine stood. "But I would still feel better if you found somewhere else to stay." Nick nodded in agreenment, and looked to see if Sara had acknowlaged any of it. She had turned and was looking at Nick and Catherine with a lost expression.

"Like where?"

"My place" Catherine Piped up, supriseng herself and everyone else within hearing distance. "I am due for a couple hours break anyways, I am no good to kelly, or you in a state of exhaustion. we can swing by your place and grab some things, and i'll find you somewhere to crash at my place."

"OK" sara agreed, with a little hesitation. she gave herself a minute to think, and used it to pull herself to her feet, using Nick to keep her balance. "Jackie Oliver, 555-2928" With that Sara was out of the room and on her way to the parking lot to think about eberything that had just transpired.


	10. Chapter 10

another one ready to go up, Thanks again to everyone who is still reading. it really means alot to me. Once again, go easy on me, I don't have spell check on my computer, and my spelling is absolutley horrible. . . so I am really sorry to anyone who's annopyred by such things, thank you for reading it anyways.

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"um, Cath?" Catherine was somewhat startled to here Sara's voice from the pasengers seat of her Denali, she had expected Sara to sit and pout the whole way to her place, Like she had all the way from the lab to Sara's apartment, and the last ten minutes. but she wasn't about to pass up a break from the awkward silence.

"yeah?" Cath answered, trying to keep her voice casual.

"Before I forget, I really want to thank you for all you've done for me, I know we've never been the best of friends, infact, I know that we've only tolerated eachother at the best of times, so I think it's really cool that you're doing all of this for me." All the time Sara was speaking, she hadn't moved her head from where it rested against the window. the last ten minutes had been spend gazing at the passing houses, deep in thought.

"It's really nothing Sara, I. "she hesitated, causing Sara to look up from the window. "I don't mean to compair me and Eddie to you and Kelly. Kelly loved you more than I could ever expect to be loved by anyone, but even though we weren't on the best of terms when he died, when I lost Eddie I went through alot of what you're feeling now, Especially the anger, and i guess a part of me wants to be here in hopes that you take your anger out on me, the way I did on you during Eddie's case."

"Had I known the offer was there" Sara laughed "I might have held my temper with Nick." Catherine chuckled too.

"He'll get over it. He loves you almost as much as Kelly" Sara blushed, it was fairly common knowlage that Nick had a thing for Sara, but for Sara to hear it outloud, and put so bluntly, she couldn't help but blush. "sorry" Catherine winced. "on the tape we reviewed. you mentioned you knew about Nicks feelings. I figured I could joke, I shouldn't have assumed."

"It's alright. . . I still wish you hadn't watched that tape, I don't like the thought of the entire lab knowing my pillow talk, Let alone who I share my pillow with."

"It wasn't like that, I made everyone leave the room except for Warrick and me. We just needed to see if either of you knew you were being watched." Sara nodded

"It sucks not being able to ask about the case. I know that you must have found the place where the camera were transmitting by now, I wish i could help somehow, but I know the closer I get to it, the less reliable the evidence." Sara turned once again to stare out the window and watched with interest as Catherine pulled up to a beautiful modern house. with a perfect lawn, and a classic little stone wall across the front. Sara was about to ask Catherine how she ever afforded it on a public service income when she was interupted.

"Look, you can't tell anyone I told you, but you have the right to know, and you kept me more informed than you hsould have with eddie." Catherine took a deep breath. "We pulled a hair, as you know, from your bedroom, so we needed to know who else had been there, to rule them in or out, ya know, but I couldn't tell you that it's medium length, dyed blonde, and naturally curly. we found a hair to match it in the hotel room, at the Tangiers. That's where we found all the tapes, and the monitoring equitment, but no prints, fake name, stolen credit card, and without anything to compair the hair to..."

"You have no suspects." Sara nodded, looking down at her hands. Catherine was about to tell her that she was doing her best, that no one had wanted to tell Sara that they had nothing to show for the last 16 hours of hard work. but Sara cut her off. "This is a nice place, I didn't realise you lived in such a big house, I don't really feel like i am invading anymore."

"don't worry about anything like that" Catherine told her. "I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want you here." Sara nodded and got out of the car, following Catherine into the house. She silently smiled along as Catherine gave her a small tour, and gave her extra blankets and clean towels to use.

Catherine, yawning, asked if it was alright if she went to take her nap and Sara nodded. "I'll do the same I think, if I can" Catherine looked at her with a simpathetic smile.

"anything I can get you before I go pass out?" Sara shook her head 'no'. but changed her mind just as Catherine was leaving the room.

"Actually, I was wondering, do you have a long distance plan?" Catherine nodded slowly. " I was wondering if I could make some calls. I'll pay you back every penny that it costs you"

"of coarse" Catherine said "I'll go get you the cordless, so you can talk anywhere you feel like."

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sorry another short one. I am working on a longer post for the next chapter. . . but for now, FEED THE AUTHOR! just press that pretty lavender button on the bottom left hand side fo your screne, and type me something nice. . . or give me some constructive critisism, it will do nothing but help.

also, I know just as much as the rest of you do about what is going to happen in this story, so i am open to suggestions and what not as to what you would like to see. . . not that I will take all of them, but they will be considered.

but anyways. . . little lavender button!


	11. Chapter 11

Sara sighed heavily after Catherine left the room, and looked down at the phone, running through everything that Catherine had told her. Curly hair, dyed blonde, she happend to know one person who's hair fit that discription, someone who had just recently tried to re-enter her life.

she she shook her head, no, she had gone back to san francisco after Sara had told her to get the hell out of her life. It was hardly even worth mentioning.

Sara moved slowly, reaching over to pull her phone book out of her bag, and punched in the first number very carefully. it was mid morning in Boston.

"This is Andi" came a groggy voice on the other end. Sara smiled, she should have known that Andrea would just be rolling out of bed, after all, yesterday was ladies ight at their favorite gay bar.

"Hi, Andi, it's Sara" silence fell, Sara could tell that Andi was confused, she hadn't talked to her since she's left Boston almost five years ago, but she knew that Kelly was still on contact with her.

"um, hi" Andi said after a minute "Long time no see, don't tell me, your in town, we should do lunch, or better yet, i know of a really great sale at..."

"no Andi" Sara chuckled, taking comfort in Andi's usual pirky demenour, some things never changed. "I am afraid I am still in Vegas."

"oh yes, I still have to have a talking with you about stealing one of Boston's hottest women away to Vegas with you, with all those show girls, you have your share..." Sara let Andi babble for a few minutes, just enjoying the sound of her voice, Five years had passed, and of coarse with Andi, there was never an awkward or dull moment. until the next one, Sara knew without a doubt that what she had to say would dampen Andi's spirits, and her heart broke with the thought.

"Actually, Andrea, I am calling with bad news." she heard Andi stop chattering, and wait patiently for an explination, something in her tone must have told Andi that Sara wasn't kidding around. Sara took a deep breath. "It's Kelly, she." Sara had intentionally dialed slowly to think about what she was going to say, but now that she'd gotten here, she froze.

"Is she all right?" Andi asked, a dark undertone to her usually happy voice. A tear ran down Sara's face. and she found herself breathless, having to force the words out in a breathy wisper.

"no, Andi, she's. . . she's dead." Sara had shocked herself, it was the first time she had spoken the words out loud, the first time she had heard them spoken out loud. somewhere in the back, her mind registered Andi's cry's of 'Oh my God' and 'I don't believe it'.

"it was" Sara tried to say "she was" she tried again, but all she could come up with was. "she's gone." with that she curled up onto the bed and let all of her tears escape, murmering one silable responses to Andi's soothing words and questions. for the next hour the two women did their best to comfort one another, but the distance of the telephone soon became too frustrating and they said there goodbyes. Sara promising to stop by boston for a memorial service with friends, and Andi promising to not call anyone close for the next few hours, as Sara wanted to be the one to break the news.

Sara angrily threw the phone onto the bed beside her, it was unfair, even if she could go, the earliest she could be in Boston would be early next week, and she couldn't expect Andrea to Carry a seceret like the death of a dear friend for that long, she would have tell everyone over the phone.

tears streamed down her face, soking the pillow under her cheek. At least Andi was out of the way, Andi and her partner, Marcy, had been Kelly and Sara's closest friends in Boston. After AIDS claimed Marcy, Andi had even stayed with them, for a while until the initial shock and depression had eased. Sara had never imagined that Andi would have to return the comfort she had offered then. She had never imagined that she too would find out what it was like to loose a partner.

Sara's body began to heave with sobs, that she tried to keep quiet, she didn't want to wake Catherine with her cries. But it was too late for that, she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, and felt the bed sink under Catherine's weight As sat next to her sobbing form.

"Sara" Catherine wispered. not sure if she really could say anything to help, not sure that any words she could think of would be wanted. Instead she sat there, rubbing sara's arm and shoulder. "just let it out" she said "lindsey's at my sister's, there is no one here to hear you, only me." Catherine found she needed to wipe a tear or two from her own eye as she watched Sara break down. Strangled wails and giant heaves racked Sara's body, as she clung helplessly to the blankets beside her.

Much later, Catherine finally slowed her movements, thinking Sara had fallen asleep.

"Don't go" she heard sara, voice muffled from the pillow. Catherine responded by placeing her hand back on Sara's shoulder to show her she was still there. small hiccups replaced her earlier sobbing as Sara turned her face out to the low soothing light of the room. Catherine tapped her fingers encouragingly on Sara's shoulder. Still not saying a word, she was here to listen, if Sara chose to talk.

"When I met Kelly, she was dating Andi, and I was dading Marcy. Neither relationship was at all serious, and the same night I met Kel, crying to myself at the bus stop, we all went out together and ended up in the wrong beds. When Marcy and I met at our usual Breakfast place for nights we got seperated, trailing our mis-matched lovers behind us, it wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it would be. Marcy and Andi had this instant chemistry, the smiles on their faces were just too beautiful to put an end to, so I gave them my blessing. Marcy was a nurse, and it was two days later that she accidentaly sliced open her hand, and her latex glove when working a gang shooting in the ER. And it was hard on all of us to hear that the little slip up had infected her. But they worked around it, and Got married." she sighed, breathing deeply the salty smell of tears and snot, the smell of melencholy. "Kelly and I took a little longer to sort ourselves out. We didn't talk to eachother again after that night for two months. until we were both invited to Marcy and Andi's wedding. After that, we Made time for eachother at least once a week. and then, almost a year after we met, we moved in with eachother." Catherine leaned over to the night stand and grabbed a box of tissues. Sara had started crying again.

"Marcy used to joke with us, that we had to get married soon, she wanted to be there, so it would have to be before the AIDS took her." Sara sobbed and blew her nose loudly. closing her eyes tightly against the fear of continuing, of sharing her story with Catherine. "So I asked her to marry me. And she said yes. It was the happiest day of our lives, young, in love, and wedding dress shopping. Kel decided that she wanted to do it right away, we would get her judge friend to marry us, and Marcy and Andi would be our brides maids." Sara paused again to laugh and wipe at her eyes with a tissue. "and of coarse, when she said right away, i said, what are you doing tomorrow? The next morning when I phoned Andi and Marcy to tell them to meet us in our favorite park for a suprise, Andi answered and informed me that Marcy had passed away during the night, complications due to her condition." silence fell again, and Catherine leaned over to lay her cheek against Sara's arm, the Closest thing to a hug she could muster from this position. "We never did tell Andi what we had been planning, infact, we never mentioned the proposal or the wedding ever again. it was 5 months after that that Kelly left."

Catherine didn't know what to say, so she still said nothing. Getting comfortable, she rubbed Sara's back until her breathing became even. But the moment Catherine stopped moving her hand, she fell asleep, right there beside Sara.

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more calls, and further case developments to come. but until then, keep feeding the author.


	12. Chapter 12

sorry this took a while, but i hope you enjoy it, as always, thank you muchly for all the great comments and support.

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"Ma ma, Ma ma, please don't, you're scaring me." Sara tensed and turned, brows knit together in a serious frown. "Ma ma, Ma ma please." she furiously bat away the hand on her shoulder. "No Ma ma" But the hand kept coming back, stronger each time, groping for cotrole. "please no Ma ma" A look of terror takes the place of worrie and she's angry with herself for it. Terror means that Ma ma's got the controle she wanted. But, after terror comes a numbness so sweet that it should be bottled and sold at the drung store next to the sleeping pills and pain relievers. If you provoke her, you spead up the Terror process, the qicker she looses her temper, the quicker numbness can set in.

But something is wrong . Sara's muscles begin to ach as she waites, braced, for what she know is coming next. But the hands, she suddenly realize, are not her mothers, they are gentle hands, caring hands. It's too bright to open her eyes, but she know's who it is. "Kelly, babe, I am sorry I woke you" As the words leave her mouth it all comes flooding back. It's not Kelly, it's Catherine, it will never be Kelly again.

Sara opens her eyes, slowly this time, letting them adjust. There is nothing like a desert sunset. And Catherine had one of the best views of it in Vegas. wich explained why it wad been too bright, the orange rippling sun was directly in front of her now.

Glancing at the clock she sees it's 7 pm, they've slept to long. Once again her attention is brought to Catherine's hand on her shouldder.

"We've slept too long" Sara repetes outloud, with little emotion in her voice. the embarrasment of the last day's emotional rollercoaster was painfully clear in th eevening light, and Sara was determined to keep it in check tonight.

"It's OK" Catherine says "They would have called me if they needed either one of us." Sara nodds.

"wich means they still know nothing." Sara once again focuses on the sunset outside the picture window. and tells herself that what her gut is telling her is hardly worth mentioning.

"You were having a nightmare." Catherine says after a moment, and Sara decides that she likes the tender lowness of her groggy voice. "about you mother" adds Catherine hopefully. but all she gets is a nod.

"I think we should process the shoe print, the on in her. . . in the blood. it's all we've got. That and the tapes from that hotel room, perhaps their is a voice, or something in the audio that would help us." Catherine sighed heavily, Their zygote of a friendship was only a day old, she couldn't expect Sara to open up any more that she already had. she was such a private person that Catherine told herself she should be happy with the trust that she got.

"your right" Catherine answered her. "But you aren't expected to come in. and you won't have access to any of the evidene. Do you want to stay here? I could call a uniform and. . . "

"NO!" Sara answered, a little too quickly "I. . . I really don't want to be alone right now. As my newest friend I will ,let you in on a little seceret," Catherine grinned widley from where she lay behind Sara "Alone with my thoughts is never a good ay to leave me." Catherine nodded and finally pulled herself up into a sitting position, stretching like a cat.

"Well, I am going to shower and change, Then you're welcome to do the same." Sara rolled onto her Back and watched Catherine leave the room. When she heard the Water start running, she lazily reached over and picked up the phone.

It wasn't the first time she was late in regards to Andi, and it sure as hell wouldn't be the last time, but Sara was determined to make sure that it was not the first Lie.

Charlie's was a relativley easy heart break Charlie was tehir flamboyant neighbour in Boston, and after a few months had become like an older brother to Kelly and Sara. Charlie was never one to 'burden' others with his fweelings, and was sure to make sure Sara didn't need anything, and offer his spare room for when Sara came to town.

The offer shocked Sara; of coarse it wasn't wrong of her friends to think that she would come home to Boston after such an event as losing a partner. But if she were honest with herself, it had not occured to HER that she should go.

Where else would she go for comfort? The lab? Tamales Bay? New York would be stressful, Kelly's jewish mother would no doubt make it more so, Sara wasn't much for being fretted over, and coddled. To be honest again, it made her feel guilty for some unknown reason that she had never gotten around to figuring out.

Thanking Charlie for his generosity and exchanging what seamed to be a never ending flow of long distance hugs and kisses Sara hung up the phone and sighed.

The next call would be the hardest one yet. But thank god the last that she would make personaly. Charlie and Andi could tell the rest of their friends in Boston, and Catherine had already called Kelly's mother on behalf of the lab. and telling Liz wouldn't be too hard, they had never realy gotten along. But telling Liz's seven year old daughter, Kelly's God daughter, Solstice, would be one of the hardest things Sara could imagine doing.

When Catherine came into the spare room to give Sara a clean towel, she found her in almost the same position as when she left. only she was crying again. Catherine was about to close the door and re-entre with a bit more noise as not to startle her, but Sara seamed to have heard her the first time.

" In Japan" Sara said "If you kill a person, you aren't imprisoned, or killed. Instead, you must asume all the responsabilities of the person who's life you took, including financially supporting their family." Sara took a moment to blow her nose, and let a few more tears scape. "If we find the Bitch that did this" she sobbed, "I want to make sure she sends weekly support checks to Liz and Solstice. That little girl was too young to hear that her favorite God parent in never going to be there again. It was bad enough that she had to go from almost daily visits to weekly phone calls when Kelly moved here, and now this." all other coments were cut off as Sara's sobbs became too much to talk through. and Catherine's heart broke to see it.

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I kind of find that the fic has hit a bit of a wall, and I have an Idea that i've kind of been planning for next chapter, but I think it's a bit over the top, so if anyone has suggestions, then I want to here them. . . ya know, to make sure that the Idea I have is really Neccisary.


	13. Chapter 13

Ok, so very sorry about the gap, I started class again, and started working full time so time equals very limited, but here it is, the next chapter.

we're getting towards the end, no more than five more chapters. i still havn't desided what kind ofending i am going to have, what i am going to reveal and what i am going to leave to your imaginations.

anyways, hoorah for suspense building, something I am really no good at, so i apologise for the attempt, but I think it's ok.

enjoy!

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Sara sulked lazily around the hallways of the lab, having been banned from all labs containing evidence from kelly's case, there were few places for her to go. She soon tired of peeking in through doorways, the merchendise identification program left unattended in the computer room had reminded her that looking at evidence from personal cases could do more harm than good.

the soles of the shoes worn by the killer were only made by one store in san fransisco, she knew it well. knew a few people who shopped there, one in particular who would buy nothing else.

NO, she told herself there was no reason for her to have done it, there was no way she could have.

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"I think I've found something" Greg announced, it was unusual at best for Greg to be so direct. and at this sudden turn in his aditude, Catherine raised a delicate eyebrow, urging him to continue, without looking like she was inwardly making fun of him.

"the hair we found in Sara's room,"

"You have a match?"

"not directly, but partial" Greg was back to his usual antics, Catherine should have known that the 'right to the point' game would end as soon as the conversation started to go anywhere important. "a relative." he said.

"to whome?"

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Sara's hands trembled as she dialed a familiar number into her cell phone, hands hesitating over teh 'send' button. but only for a moment.

as she put the phone to her ear she couldn't help but notice the cull ringing, and the flip flop it made her stomach do. The ringing stopped, but no one said hello. the only thing that could be heard was the faint brathing of whoever had picked up the phone.

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"13 Markers in common" Greg droned on

"to who?"

"we're looking at sara's. . . "

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"Mother I know you're their" more silence met Sara on the line. she caughed nervously to fill it, and looked around. "I uh, just wanted to talk to you about a few things that are going on here. . . in Vegas?" she posed it as a question, a child's pleading tone. _please answer me, please mommy, look at me _but the silence continued for what seamed like ages.

"And tell me, Little Sara, why your life is Vegas would suddenly interest me. Or better yet, why you would suddenly be interested in telling me about it." prisson had hardened her voice, sara realised, she hadn't thought that could happen.

"Because" Sara hesitated. "Because something terrable has happened, and. . . "

"And what?" Clair Sidle interupted. "You have to stop hating me for what happened, Sara, you can't keep blaming me every time something goes wrong in your life. If anything you should be blaming those deplorably weak women they kept sending you to, you should have kept contact darling, should have returned my letters, I could have shaped you like a real mother shoulld shape a daughter, you messed. . ."

"messed up what?" Sara cried, the pleading child had long since left, replaced with the angry, abandoned pre-tean. "I was not the one who abandoned you, you made a desicion, you left me because of it! you. . . " sara stopped. This was not what she had called about, she would no longer be emotionaly controles my this woman. on the other end sara could hear Clair laugh dryly, the laugh of a woman who has nothing left to lose.

"why stop there kid? That's what i mean about those women. no one taught you that it was your right as a woman to feel angry, or sad, or frustrated, Our ancestors hacked their god's to pieces and hung the flesh from trees, you do not serve any master, especially not the master of social acceptablility, tell me what it is you feel, tell me what you want. . . Hang Your God's From Trees!"

"Mother, you aren't, I don't, Something has happened and. . . "

"And what? You are a grown woman, Sara, Hang your god's from trees!" she hung up. and sara did all she could think of.

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Grissom found Sara just outside the layout room, Banging her head repeatedly on the wall, tears streaming down her face. He reached out his free hand and steadied her head while juggling files and a coffee cup in the other hand.

Sara's dark eyes met his blue ones with a heart wrenching melencholy that Grissom's emotional stuntedness could not deal with.

"Go home" he said to her. "the team's bringing in a suspect, and I am fairly certain that it is safe for you to go back to your apartment and pack. Pack your bags Sara, and go home, Go to Boston, Go to New York, just go home."

"I can't" Sara said angrily, raising her voice to the stubborn tone of the angry abandoned pre-teen screaming to get out of her head. "my Home has had her heart ripped out by a mad woman that I lead right to her."


End file.
